About me:

JULY XXVii, 2o22: 

I am at a mental hospital in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Planet Earth.

Feeling alive…the warrior in me lives and is thankful to be here today.

Only one thing is real: Raina Sahu, daughter of Professor R. K. Sahu, born in New Delhi, INDIA….5 decades ago. Deemed human, born with a vagina, IT is a GIRL!

Took my gender away……left me a human with so so so so so much pain….

i howled and cried and prayed and looked to the sky for the Moon…couldnt find it…

Felt the SUN……

Will follow it to the end of the Earth….and on to whichever planet I came from….till I have found my Daddy and my Dad’s baby ….Raina …

————————–scroll down for before———2022

———————scroll up for After the Before……2022

November 19th, 2021

Command to center


I am alive





Saw the rainbow

Thanking the universe for every moment that I am alive and making connections and in the process reconnecting with who R is…

Let’s discover!!!!


healing,living oneday at a time, envisioning tomorrow, smiling more, crying less, recognizing rewards universe has given me…finding R and liking what I find…

A story in progress….more soon… 😉

April, 2020:

Gosh….so much has happened since I last wrote about me…

I am alive to tell my story. I have fought for my survival, my freedom, my children and I am living n breathing everyday, one day at a time.

The healing has begun…i am awake.

I still get scared and have panic attacks and just last week i was hit with threats to my safety. Made me feel very fragile. But nothing can stop me from using my voice and writing my truth.

And that’s what i am trying to do here…shake off all labels and be free to be me. I did get a label when i was born and that starts with R.

I can heal a few others, that much I believe.

Thank you for giving me a listen Universe!!


PS: I donot have BPD symptoms and am free of that Label. 😉

February 12, 2018

Once upon a time…there was a Dad. He had a little girl who made him smile everytime he looked at her. He was my world.

He gave me the Moon, ..love, validation, smiles and a red color motorcycle. Then one day he died. I didn’t realise. I just sought him…wished he would come back. Coz he would never ever judge me, always gave me unconditional love.

A year after I lost him, I was diagnosed with BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder.

the Moon, is a story, of my journey to recover from a illness. A illness to which I lost most of my life. A illness which is real, as real as me! You need to know…you need to understand. I need to understand what is BPD…am just starting to discover the real me….

I just know that I want to be my Daddy’s girl” again….find my memories of who I was and what took over my life, what happened?

The Moon is real……my rock, a place to escape, a place to reflect and TODAY….to share and to heal …

I have been living in my balcony for the past 3 yrs…its my Moon.

My wish is to be free!

My wish is to go back home

I just have to get a bit stronger…and i will fight for my freedom…to take back my life.


About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.


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