Actually, the impact is on mental as well as physical well being.
At any given point in my life, I have acted upon the facts presented to me. I know I am living honestly and trusting others who surround me. It’s the perfect scenario. Then why am I getting sick, on anti depressants, tummy aches, migraines, nightmares, grinding my teeth, fracturing my teeth, angry, tired, just wanna die….
Something is not right, right?
It’s because I am being lied to. The people surrounding me are liars, and not trust able. They are playing with my life. My life and pain and joy doesnt matter to them. The only thing constant is “you are the bad person.
You cause trouble.
Look what you did wrong now.
You have a problem.
You are not sane.
You dont know anything about real life.
You can never keep friends.
You are fat and therefore undesirable.
You can never be happy.
You are a leech.
You are stupid, cant write a check, dont know math.
Your smile is too wide, shows your big teeth.
Behave your age! (Which is what, I dont understand! )
You are always sick. (It’s called miscarriage and child birth!)
You a whore and a bitch. (To get physically abused)
You will never finish the project you started, that’s why it was thrown in trash.
Why did you buy 6 eggs, one would be enough!
Dear readers of this post, these were lies told to me that I BELIEVED to be true, because I trusted these people.
I cut them loose. I discarded them from my mind and my soul. I stopped worshipping these people. I lost my faith in humanity and left for the moon. I isolated myself. Shut out all the noise. I stopped feeling!
I have come a long way.
Last year, my faith in humanity started to get restored…another story…
Migraines are gone, hunger is returning. Tears shed only when I miss my Dad or my daughters are not doing well. My weight doesnt bother me, and I ride 14 kms everyday and lift weights. My shoulders are strong and ready. I have a couple of awesome friends, and they love when I sing. I sing well they say. I am a nice human being they say. I have risen from ashes they say…they are witness to it.
I dont take medicines to sleep. I do take a couple of medicines for anxiety and depression. (I used to be on 5 different meds)
I am healing…slowly but surely.
If you are reading this, I would request you “please dont give up, be angry if you feel angry….and question why you are angry and keep digging. There are answers that are being blocked. But you will find answers.
You and I belong. We are watched over by the universe. I can feel it.
My trust in universe is healing me. I wish to live and watch my kids grow and be their anchor, like my Dad was mine. That’s the heritage I am carrying forth.
I was not wrong in trusting. Trust is a good thing, pure and simple. Some broke that, and a few restored it! 🙂
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