Looking for kindness …

Looking for kindness in the faces of strangers…

That’s where I started…when i realized my relationships and people around me were abusive…and what is abuse?

We hold certain powers and when we try to or control others from this place of power…its not good. That’s what is called abuse.

So, I said to myself…how do I know what is good for me, will I recognize it, how will i recognize it…

Kindness came to mind. I knew kindness. I had seen it in my Dad, I had felt it through his actions, I had heard it in his voice, and he left it behind in my heart and my soul.

Did I deserve kindness? That was a hard one to navigate, coz how can I be deserving of kindness…I was a bad person, always angry and shouting and not good enough and whatever else was told to me, everything that I believed, coz I trusted these people more than I trusted me

But when the fog lifts and you start to see yourself, one glimpse at a time, and when reinforcements arrive from the Universe…I started to acknowledge and accept that I exist.

Lemme start with seeking kindness coz I dont understand the word love, half a century of abuse disguised in that word “love”

And I found it…in the faces of strangers. Random people, chance meetings, extremely hard to find, because I stay isolated in my balcony.

A year ago, I met a couple of strangers who lifted me, who stood by me, who gave me the courage to stand up for me, who told me i deserved better, there was nothing wrong with me.

And I picked up myself, from the floor, literally dead, beaten up, deemed insane, crazy, put in the mental hospital, held captive, my knees had given way…that night I stood up leaning against a window, looked at the moon and begged for help…I didnt wanna die. I promised my girls I would be around for a long time.

And I didnt wanna leave them alone

I had to live, I had to get up, I had to just try…

And I am here today, almost a year later…telling you my story, sharing with you “its possible”

Healing does happen

One day at a time

Baby steps

Trust me…I have seen it!

Just start today…hope and wish and dream and dont stop ….

Theres a person within you, who is struggling to be seen and heard…just needs a little kindness is all…

Thank you for listening to me…


2 responses to “Looking for kindness …”

  1. um yeah
    well ok sure


    1. Haha…you have totally lost me…I didn’t understand you!


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About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.


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