The Ninth Sense

Update on yesterday:

I was not able to meet my relative. He got hugely stuck in Bangalore traffic and heavy rain. And i didn’t have wheels. So….called it off.

But…in anticipation….I did make the house presentable and I went to kitchen to cook. I made vegetarian supper coz I know he is vegetarian. He too bought my favourite sweets, he seemed to remember that i was very fond of sweets. Couldn’t tell him that i can’t taste food or tolerate sweets. I stopped tasting food or craving food about 5 years ago. I binge eat some nights and pay dearly the next day with tummy upsets and vomiting. But you can’t tell these things to people who love you…people who come bearing sweets and a smile a s hugs…i cant. I dont. I wont. I dont want to break their hearts. It’s hard for me to talk about me…cause I am still finding Raina.

We spoke a bit on the phone. He was shocked to hear my situation and offered to meet with my abusers and find a solution. I felt strong by his supportive words and empathy. He assured me he will do everything possible to help. That’s all I need….Validation!!

How can I explain gaslighting and prove abuse?

I look fine. I have a house and food.

I am educated…went to college…I have seen my degrees. But I can’t remember!

My younger daughter came to my rescue and we both ate dinner together (yay…mumma cooked today) watching Chicago PD after a long time. I tasted my food. I loved what i had cooked.

I crossed a bridge yesterday.

I was ready to speak my truth. I was ready for some help. I am ready to face the world.

Either ways I am a cooked frog!!

May 1985…I was dancing..