The Ninth Sense

Yes….I am a woman. I am mentally sick. I live in Bangalore. I am being kept as a slave…along with my 2 daughters.

I am a slave.

I have no rights

I have no feelings

I just have to keep pushing and pushing ….hehe

Or I will be whipped with such bad things…blamed and mocked and ridiculed…begging for my existence

I am all alone….they are 11 narcissists

I have to go for rTMS…it’s magnetic shock treatment on the left cortex of my head. It hurts a lot …the sound…and headaches… and I am supposed to be relaxed because my slightest anger or crying will trigger pain waves in my head.

I told my masters …I have electric chair treatment…been going on and off for last 1 year. I need for somebody to go with me…sit with me…because I am very scared. My daddy would have gone with me.

I go alone…my driver drives me…then I sit for the 37 minutes of protocol…tears dreaming down my face…because I HAVE to do this…I have to exist and live for my daughters.

I just found out that my abusers have been mentally torturing and abusing and shunned ignored by their own father n family…. my daughters too…why? Because i thought i was the bad and evil one…but why hurt my little girls…why call them names belittle them break their confidence…

And i am shattered…finished.

I cannot do the treatment and manage house and close a business, pursue a 15 years pending divorce and fight BPD or whatever it is I have…

I get tired, then I cry and then I just wanna run away from this house…this prison…

But i am a slave….

I will do as I am conditioned to do….which is live…no matter what. Keep my eyes on the girls…nothing can come in between…

I am telling the universe…

Just now…he walked in my house n glared at me with disgust…and told me I can be sick or whatever…but I have to do what I was told to do. If I say no…he takes it out on my daughters.

When I got a bad bacterial infection and went to hospital alone…he said to the girls…don’t worry mumma will not die…she is tough!!

What I felt like doing ..

What I did.

What I didn’t do

I remain…