The moon in captivity:

I Wake up every morning…and get ready for the day…determined to smile for the girls and get through the day. But today I felt no matter what i do or say…i will be held captive and my pleas ignored.

What do I say? Anything that i say is stupid.

Why do i scream in pain ….because i am sick and i have always been sick….therefore i should stop this nonsense!

I used to cry a lot but money has bought the best treatment i can get. The rTMS has helped stop my crying…..so that means i have support…then why am i never satisfied. Why should I complain when everybody around me is not complaining?

I begged to be let go…be free to be whatever I am…to be free to die…to be left in the wild like a animal…..but people would take away my Girls from me….and treat them like they treat me.

No choices !

Only imposition.

I got the basket of washed laundry this morning and a message that i can’t expect more Help than this…

Help how?

I am prepared to rip my clothes and walk the streets barefoot…you think I NEED clean laundry. I need it for my daughters…for this house that needs constant attention.

So…lets pretend I dont exist. Because i can’t understand where I am…

Who should I be…what can i do to Claim to be human? I surely must deserve it?

How can I breathe in captivity?

I dont. I used to shout n scream and cut n hit and break…but the police was called on me by my bullies and it scared my daughters. So i became quiet. I know if I dont behave I won’t get clean laundry, money or kindness!

How long can i control my emotions and hide? I can’t take it anymore…

I am afraid to think….

The plant is itty bitty. I had picked a driftwood from Jim Corbett park. It acts as a dam for the soil. i watch it grow!
Handmade organic pot…broken
Posted in BPD.

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