I Wake up every morning…and get ready for the day…determined to smile for the girls and get through the day. But today I felt no matter what i do or say…i will be held captive and my pleas ignored.
What do I say? Anything that i say is stupid.
Why do i scream in pain ….because i am sick and i have always been sick….therefore i should stop this nonsense!
I used to cry a lot but money has bought the best treatment i can get. The rTMS has helped stop my crying…..so that means i have support…then why am i never satisfied. Why should I complain when everybody around me is not complaining?
I begged to be let go…be free to be whatever I am…to be free to die…to be left in the wild like a animal…..but people would take away my Girls from me….and treat them like they treat me.
No choices !
I got the basket of washed laundry this morning and a message that i can’t expect more Help than this…
I am prepared to rip my clothes and walk the streets barefoot…you think I NEED clean laundry. I need it for my daughters…for this house that needs constant attention.
So…lets pretend I dont exist. Because i can’t understand where I am…
Who should I be…what can i do to Claim to be human? I surely must deserve it?
How can I breathe in captivity?
I dont. I used to shout n scream and cut n hit and break…but the police was called on me by my bullies and it scared my daughters. So i became quiet. I know if I dont behave I won’t get clean laundry, money or kindness!
How long can i control my emotions and hide? I can’t take it anymore…
I am afraid to think….