The Ninth Sense

I wish I had used a computer and researched more about BPD, when I was first diagnosed at the age of 47.

But i didnt…

I stopped reading or watching tv or going to movies…10 years ago.

I stopped tasting food…i stop craving food…i can’t remember how and when this happened to me.

Last year when i lost my business…got mob attacked at my store…i went quite crazy…i started walking barefoot…because i was sure the earth will heal me. I started taking cold water showers…been 13 months now. I refused to comb my hair because my head hurt even if one hair got pulled…i stopped getting out of my room…i stopped cooking for my daughters 5 years ago.

Getting diagnosed at the age of 47 is not a joke. Its like…my whole ducking life is done with and now you tell me. But for me it was an extension of the depression that i had been diagnosed at the age of 25, when I arrived in USA to do my graduate studies.

So i read up a little on BPD and sidnt give it a mind. I started taking the meds my doctor prescribed. I also started therapy sessions twice a week.

And

I went back to being what i needed to be…a mom and a business woman.

In 2016 i was devastated with loss of sanity.

In 2017 at the age of 50, I started to recognize a couple of symptoms. And went into bad depression. In June 2017 I started rtms for depression and 6 months of complete chaos followed. My brain started waking up…i started to feel hungry and forced myself to start back the business coz I needed to make a living. I still cannot acknowledge that I have this terminal illness.

But reading all you beautiful people makes me feel i belong…that I have arrived home.

I finally have the support I needed…to see me through this very trying time. I experienced a minor episode on Saturday and my daughters really got worried…called my doctor and as always… they responded right away.

I am better but exhausted and need a couple of days quite time…Richards Hermit time! 🙂

What baffles me is that every mentally sick person is working hard at lessening the pain of others…selflessly. Main aim is to create awareness and reach out and touch the life of just one person, make a difference for a minute, cause a phenomenon …make a link…and connect the whole universe.

We find beauty. The beauty of the world is not taken for granted for us

The power to reach across oceans and mountains…to connect and to GIVE strength and hope to each other…only a mentally sick person can make this happen…not the ordinary!