My BPD is location based:

I just realized that i am not like this in Delhi or Roorkee. My favourite city and my home town respectively.

Infact when i go to a new place and meet new people….i am quite happy.

Does that mean that if i was in a prison…BPD symptoms will peak. But when BPD people are left in the wild unknown…..BPD disappears …

It is also people based….but thats for another day.

– My peak is in Bangalore. I am always getting supported by a brilliant team of doctors.

– In Delhi….I smile and eat and talk. The BPD symptoms get put on hold…business takes over. I talk to my dealers…i sit and have tea with them (i am strictly a coffee person)…i smile a lot naturally and only speak in punjabi….my love language! I visit only the same 3 places, everytime…stay at tbe same hotel….for 8 years. I have support in Delhi from my business …credibility built over 9 years. I always get the job done…select amazing clothes…And never fail to return to my girls.

– I remember the drive to my hometown Roorkee and look forward to surprising my mom…when in Roorkee. My BPD symtom of ….missing my childhood…kicks in.

– I travel to Haridwar, where the ganges river hits the foothills…because my Dads ashes rest there. It was his favourite place to go to…to connect with his mother and brothers. When i stand in the cold waters of the Ganges…i talk to my Dad….i cry i sob and i light the Diya….and my BPD symptom…urges me to let go and disappear in the Ganges. But i never do…..i always come back home to my girls.

– when i visit Maldives….i feel the oceans healing me…patching me up….

Are you with me?

Dont you experience these familiar feelings?

Then how come i am called sick…because i feel 200% more than you?

Do you even know what that feels like to be called sick…all the be treated with disdain or distance…ignored…not looked at or touched…to not even be acknowledged as a human fucking being…

Alienating me …why?

I am the one who is special…who sees things you dont…who smiles through my pain everytime…

A mother who returns home to her daughters…and refuses to leave….you call this mother sick?

As i lay alone….in the hospital last night getting a drip n antibiotics for a bacterial infection in tummy….

The universe watched over me. I woke up at 4am in pain…opened my eyes…the moon was shining through my window…looking straight at me….it made me smile and put me nack to sleep…promising to keep an eye on me.

And here i am….tadaaa 🙂

My sickness is ruining your life how?


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About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.


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