I have BPD: I am gifted!

17795796_420573391635796_8703041855205254314_nFollowing is not written by me…BUT quiet apt for me!!

“Gifted individuals think, reason, analyse and understand in very specific ways. Presented with a problem they will activate different areas in their brains, and in different ways, to other people in order to try and solve it. Specifically, their thought patterns are tree-like in structure and their cognitions move simultaneously in different directions at very high speeds. Their brains are constantly working: a question never leads to an answer but to another question, ad infinitum, and this complicates matters during adolescence, which is already a time of questioning. Gifted adolescents can never be certain of anything. OUR acutely analytical minds continually taking in everything around them is a considerable hindrance when it comes to making choices. What to choose and why?

WE are aware of too many things at once, and as a result are constantly analysing every element and possible outcome. It is exhausting.
In addition to their already extremely acute perceptive powers, gifted people possess a highly developed sensory capacity: they see things others cannot see, hear things others will never hear, and perceive things which are, on the whole, imperceptible… essentially emotional beings, constantly tuned into the emotional aspect of the world around them, and aware of other people’s feelings sometimes to an intolerable degree. This is a weakening factor in their psychological development. It is painful to feel things too strongly, and one tends to try to protect oneself against it, particularly in relationships. Gifted people often have trouble forming relationships.

They feel out of place, unusual, different without really understanding why. They never feel a true sense of ‘togetherness’ with others, of completely fitting in. They also describe a three-dimensional way in which they experience everyday situations in life 1) they observe the scene that 2) they are in the process experiencing, and 3) they analyse it. Their brains are constantly working with an extraordinary degree of intellectual and emotional lucidity.
…it causes suffering yet, ironically, nobody would ever think of sympathising with the sufferer!
So when depression takes root, the main aim becomes to stop thinking, to stop activating that infernal thinking machine, the source of so much suffering, of so many painful emotions and endless questions. Giftedness is not an illness but when it coincides with depressive disorder it takes on particular characteristics.
In extreme thoughts and heightened sensitivity, you can often feel misunderstood, alone and lost, infuriated by all the mistakes, all the incoherencies you cannot help but be aware of.
Giftedness also means possessing the possibility of infinite inner resources. One can go through unbearable suffering and be unable to envisage the future, and yet emerge the other side with a renewed vitality that is stronger than despair. A true desire to live, fully.
This capacity to survive illness is common to all, giftedness only exacerbates its characteristics.

The main symptoms of depression in adults are mental anguish, guilt and an inability to face life, accompanied by a state of intense fatigue and a total loss of desire. ”

…written by Mathilde Monaque – Trouble in my head – A young girl’s fight with depression (edited a little….to match my age…)


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About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.


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