The Ninth Sense

For informed choices there is google..but for me today…..i prefer to ask my plants or my dog or my kids.

When you have to make a choice or choose a dish from the menu…you will ask the friend with you…when at a restaurant..?

I remember looking at the menu, watching others choose and DECIDE…and Raina is like…i dont FEEL like eating or why dont you surprise me…or pick a dish for me because I cant decide or its NOT ON THE FKG MENU….

And the food arrives…and that’s the painful part. I will be so distracted by the sounds and people and noise…or a mosquito…until i kill it….that i wont ENJOY my food.

Plus i am not feeling hungry…

how can i eat if i don’t FEEL hungry

But i still feel you

I still feel the pain…a lot of pain…

I feel the wind and i can feel the rain…before it starts raining

I can feel my daughters….they come back from school…and i KNOW how their day went….

I can feel myself growing anxious and unable to breathe when i see my daughter falling off the horse. I walk away…i start crying coz she is hurting…although she is FINE.

I feel the pain of the employee whom i have to fire for stealing…i worry if i have hurt their feelings and give them extra money. They are not asking for money ….but i MUST make me FEEL better…so i give!

This is so fkd up…its not funny anymore. I am not smiling…i like to smile…i feel i am getting sicker. All this was supposed to heal me…not make me FEEL like dying.

If you loose your feeling….you are dead.

Do you understand what i am saying…..the words…?