people ” You look just like your mom”
Raina: naah….I look like my Dad. (what I am feeling inside is: I don’t want to look like my mom, I want to look like Dad)
But, I worried about this for many decades….
Last month, I made a trip…just to see her. Not to go to Haridwar to daddy and then stop on the way… I surprised her…woke her from her sleep…
I went because I wanted to give her some love…. after years of fighting with her…NOT SEEING HER, or understanding? I don’t know….
But I watched her closely this time….I made sure I listened, I hugged her tighter, I overlooked the minor things that used to bug the hell out of me…I cried when I left her…and she didn’t understand why I was crying. I could not tell her that I can see her, I can see how she has been SO STRONG….I couldn’t say anything to her….I couldn’t even say “I am sorry mumma”
…..its very hard to explain…and maybe I can one day…..