I don’t look like my mom symptom:

people ” You look just like your mom”

Raina: naah….I look like my Dad. (what I am feeling inside is: I don’t want to look like my mom, I want to look like Dad)

But, I worried about this for many decades….

Last month, I made a trip…just to see her. Not to go to Haridwar to daddy and then stop on the way… I surprised her…woke her from her sleep…

I went because I wanted to give her some love…. after years of fighting with her…NOT SEEING HER, or understanding? I don’t know….

But I watched her closely this time….I made sure I listened, I hugged her tighter, I overlooked the minor things that used to bug the hell out of me…I cried when I left her…and she didn’t understand why I was crying. I could not tell her that I can see her, I can see how she has been SO STRONG….I couldn’t say anything to her….I couldn’t even say “I am sorry mumma”

 

…..its very hard to explain…and maybe I can one day…..

 

Posted in BPD.

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