I did not know WHO I was….I am finding me….sorting…sifting through what I remember…YES…I have lost time and memory. I have lost my happiness because everything was a struggle.

I reached for help….took me 44 years of LIVING WITH bpd….before I got a correct diagnosis. So, IF you don’t have one…then I can share my doctors and therapist contact. They are brilliant.

I am alive to write about everything I have learnt…and I will keep writing till I can reach all THE NORMAL people….in Bangalore, In India….

Why India?

I have an answer to that…Because I TRIED everything…

My horrorscope was going through Saturn, so I went to an astrologer. Then to some temple. Someone suggested Yoga, was Told by a popular psychiatrist lady….9 years ago…”we are giving meds, and after an year ….she says…try meditating and worship Sai Baba. I DO believe in San Baba and all the GODS….but nobody seems to understand how much pain I am in. MISDIAGNOSIS is the biggest problem with BPD.


You think I am happy after I have lost temper or control…do I REALISE what I am doing….because my head hurts and my pulse goes up and I beat myself for loosing it…..because my feelings are 200% more magnified that an a normal human being.

Thats what I am told…but its hard to understand….Do I recognise FOR once that I might have THIS HUGE THING….which doesn’t allow me to SEE. I was blind. I only FEEL.  And I feel that no-one should hurt !

Slow down….ASK yourself….

“WHY am I doing, what I AM DOING?

DO I HAVE A OPTION? YES…you do have an option….BUT you have to see it…to choose it.





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About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.


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