Do you have a five year plan?



Yes…..I wanna be making x amount of money, be married, a car and a dog….

How will you achieve all these goals/desires you have?

I will work hard!

Who are you doing this for?

Will it make your heart smile?


Above is a normal healthy gym going,  must be IT kinna… normal person…no?


BUT for me…a BPD…THERE IS SO MUCH CLARITY, as I discover something about me each day…I can feel the wind, I watch myself…I am able to identify my triggers…and stop myself from walking towards the dark!

I have a 30 year plan. Am just starting on a new me….ALTHOUGH I still don’t acknowledge my existence…

To be able to FEEL LIGHT, I NEED to smile.

Therefore…everything I DO, should get the desired result….to smile, to step out of my bubble,

haha…I can write today AFTER 2 years of THINKING about writing…working with my therapist for 2 years just to be able to write on this platform. I wrote on paper with pencil…..and then left them in the rain.

I want to feel ALIVE….

I want to smile….

yesterday was very hard…today I am alright with waking up and smiling….



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About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.


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