The Ninth Sense

I stumbled across this blog, from a person with BPD …She has articulately said what I would like to say…

“I’ve taken a long hard look at me and who I am and how I allow others to treat me. 

When all is said and done I know I am a pretty bad person. I make mistakes. I hurt people. I screw up all the time. But that doesn’t mean I deserve to be treated like shit. I do my best to do right by people and yet I am regularly treated badly in return.  

 I feel like I’m a nuisance. I feel like a burden.

I also feel like I am not allowed to feel anything at all. How ever I feel is always wrong. I’m always made to feel bad for feeling a certain way. 

People ask you what’s wrong and when you tell them they make you feel bad. They tell you how you feel is  wrong. You’re overreacting. 

‘You’re overreacting’… A Phrase that no one with BPD ever wants to hear. It’s possibly one of the most invalidating and hurtful things to be told. No one can help how they feel in response to a situation and it’s so hurtful to be told by someone that your feelings aren’t right. It’s unfair.  

What’s worse is when people who claim to understand about BPD actually know nothing at all because if they did they wouldn’t have said the things they said to hurt you or don’t do the things they did to let you down.  

Just because I have BPD that doesn’t make my feelings any less valid. 

Invalidation is one of the main causes of BPD so remember that each time you invalidate someone you claim to love and care for. “….quoted from livingwithbpd.com

Sometimes we are too intelligent and cocky to even speculate our own behaviour, and pause to consider possibilities…. that there is something off….otherwise you wouldn’t hurt so much inside. You just can’t help it.

BUT our minds have been conditioned over the years, to be like the next person! To be fine, to be okay. To ignore, to accept that you are evil. You hide. You hurt. You have lost your identity.

I , till date , cannot accept and do not recognise that I have BPD. Because "I" don't exist!!

A word of advice: get to know yourself, be mindful, watch yourself….why am I doing what I am doing?  SLOW DOWN…..dont make your life short and miserable!

“You get Hijacked by your emotions”…Dr. S said to me.

And I was like…oh, thats so cool ! 😉